ENVIRONMENT
A Brief Look at Death Cannons
The pieces of metal that make flesh bags go boom!
Why hello there, traveler, and welcome to the "Apocalypse Tour." This is the tour for all those thrill seekers out there who want to see some things that are downright insane. We note the problematic locations, tools, and, in this case, weapons that contributed to species 947's (947 were also known as humanity [hyoo·ma·nuh·tee]) entirely predictable end on a tiny, weeny planet called Earth in the year 90,423 XE (what humans may know as 2XXX AD).
Today, we are looking at death cannons, known to the natives there as "guns" [guhnz]. These were metal tubes that could propel even smaller pieces of metal or plastic for the purpose of penetrating the flesh sacs of humans. In the words of xeno-anthropologist Qe're'witz Sod: "The simplicity of the tool implies that humans were aggressive creatures. And also stupid."
Every known sentient species at one point or another has developed tools of murder — the mutant flies of Omegar, the supremely terrifying radioactive ice cream of Bastian VI. Humans from the Empire known as the United States of America were unique in believing that carrying such weapons was a divine right. Their country's constitution had enshrined "the right to bear arms," which constituencies such as the…
