The Real Schedule of an HSBC Exec

Get the inside scoop no one is talking about!

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Source: The Manual

Recently Melania Edwards took the Internet by storm when Business Insider broke down her day-to-day routine. Some considered it funny. Others found it to be indicative of wealth inequality in this country. I found it to be incredibly unrealistic. So I talked to Steve Zusos, another HSBC exec, on his actual Silicon Valley life.

Steve wakes up at 5:30 am every day to let in his Latina cleaning lady before heading off to Meditation Class.

“Before I do anything, I find I need to purify my space. I can’t concentrate on my breathing exercises if my collection of ironic Hawaiian shirts are out of order” he said.

At 6:30 am he catches up with HSBC’s lobbyists on the East Coast to make sure all company-approved legislation is going through Congress accordingly.

Steve has been in the corporate game for years now, and he knows that if Congress isn’t monitored closely, HSBC might be regulated. Yikes!

A minimum-wage driver comes around 7 am to deliver fruit and vegetables picked by slaves. He grinds the veggies up along with raw water to make a yummy smoothie.

“I can’t understand why people don’t eat more healthily, ” he said after not tipping the driver.

At 7:30 am he plays tennis with other people in his social group.

Steve enjoys finding out industry gossip that gives him an advantage over people outside his economic class.

At around 8:30 am, he heads to work.

Steve can walk to work because he can afford to spend $10 million on a two-bedroom row-house in San Francisco.

“If you think rent is crazy, try HOA dues,” he said, trying to be relatable.

On his walk, he uses his nanny cam app to check in on his cleaning lady. You can never be too careful!

He gets in the office around 9 am.

At HSBC, Steve figures out how to give recent Stanford grads VC funding for their brilliant idea to privatize a once public utility. Capitalism at its finest!

At 10:30 am he meets with tech companies to learn about industry trends.

Steve talks to emerging tech companies to hear about how they are going to solve the world’s problems without sacrificing any of their wealth or privilege.

“I love talking to people that make me feel so hopeful about the future without challenging any of my basic assumptions,” he said at the headquarters of a startup that has already failed.

He takes lunch around noon.

Steve breaks for lunch for an hour and a half. This is something he can just do with no repercussions.

At 1:30 pm, he goes back to work.

He takes a conference call while playing Candy Crush on his phone. Steve then commutes another 30 minutes to meet up with tech companies in Palo Alto.

While commuting, he listens to a podcast on how to coach others on self-betterment.

If he’s feeling particularly drained from all this continuous work, then he will grab a coffee at Starbucks. He does not tip the barista.

Later in the evening, Steve donates time to an international nonprofit that teaches women how to bootstrap themselves out of poverty.

“It’s imperative I only sacrifice my time, not money, to these women. It would be irresponsible to sacrifice my latte money on giving these women tangible assets,” he said while buying a designer jacket as a treat for how hard he worked that day.

At 7:30 pm he works out.

Because he spends so much time working at a laptop, it’s vital that everyone knows that he is in flawless health.

At dinner time, he winds down with his partner by experimenting with new recipes.

“After spending all day buying food, it’s fun to do poor people things, you know?”

After dinner, they walk around their multimillion-dollar neighborhood, reflecting on their super hard day.

“I am a winner. Everything I get is because I deserve it, and totally not because of all the privileges I have. Hail Satan!”

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I write about pop culture, politics, and every in between.

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